Spiritual grandparenting
By Sister Constance Veit, lsp
As a kid I always associated two things with the first day of school – getting new shoes and
having to write about what I did during summer vacation.
My siblings and I never really had exceptional summer adventures but I have fond memories of
beach outings, camping trips, museum visits, swimming lessons and hours spent playing with the
other kids in the neighborhood.
It’s been many years since I got new school shoes or wrote about my summer vacation but this
summer, I did something exceptional. Although I have been a Little Sister for over 35 years, in
July, I went away to camp for the very first time!
Along with another member of my community and 15 other women religious, I participated in a
discernment camp for high school girls sponsored by the Diocese of Arlington, Virginia.
Our days at camp were filled with sports activities and team challenges, crafts and plenty of Gen
Z-centered conversation. We also had daily Mass, Rosary, eucharistic adoration and lively
spiritual talks given by the sisters.
Along with college-age volunteers, each pair of women religious was responsible for a dozen or
so high school girls throughout the week.
Our days were jam-packed with activities and the heat was sweltering but I thought I was doing
pretty well keeping up with the girls. Then towards the end of the week, one of the young women
– a very lively, outgoing teen – called me our team’s grandmother! That was a blow to my ego –
“Not an older sister or your mother, but your grandmother?” I asked. “Really?”
“Grandmothers are so kind and supportive;” she replied. “They try to make each person feel
special. That’s what you’ve been doing for us.”
This young woman’s insight was a real consolation to me.
Later, during adoration, I reflected on this conversation, a bit ashamed of myself. I realized that
the ageism that infects our society has also affected me.
As someone who has devoted my life to advocating for older persons, I should have been
honored to be identified as grandmotherly!
I thought about our foundress, Saint Jeanne Jugan, who identified completely with the elderly
poor to whom she had offered a home.
Although she was accustomed to stopping by the local charity office to pick up the provisions to
which her elderly were entitled, on one occasion an impatient aid worker rebuked her, directing
her to get in line with the other beggars. Jeanne complied, rejoicing to truly be poor among the
poor.
I was also reminded of the testimonies of the young Little Sisters who had lived with Jeanne
Jugan during the long years at the motherhouse when she was no longer recognized as the
foundress.
Her young companions thought she was just another elderly Sister living among them but they
loved her dearly because she was so good to them. Many years later they still remembered her
kindness, many testifying for her canonization process.
“Ah! If you only knew how good she was! She was so gentle … She spoke firmly when
necessary but she thought no more about it afterwards.” …“Her charity touched the hearts of all;
we were at ease with her, like a mother in her family, and each one could say to herself: ‘How
kind she is; she loved me!’”
As I continued to reflect on the life and example of our foundress, I felt honored to be identified
by a young person as “grandmotherly.” Realizing I would never make my mark on either the
soccer field or the volleyball court, I really had been trying to take an interest in each young
woman and lend each one a listening ear and I was grateful to know they had appreciated my
efforts.
This is what young people are really looking for as they mature into adulthood and seek to
discern their vocation in life. We can do them and the church a great service by honing our skills
as wise elders, spiritual grandmothers and grandfathers.
Pope Francis often speaks of just this.
Talking to journalists at World Youth Day, he said the main issue related to the young is
knowing how to accompany them and that grandparents are better at this than parents.
Speaking directly to young people in Lisbon, he said that grandparents are “rays of light” and
“the roots of our joy.”
To be a ray of light or a root of joy – what beautiful ideals for which to strive as we age!
Sister Constance Veit is the communications director for the Little Sisters of the Poor in the
United States and an occupational therapist.